Tampilkan postingan dengan label Part. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Part. Tampilkan semua postingan
Senin, 21 Agustus 2017
Managing My Time Part 2 of 2
Here, in part 2, I will share with you my strategies for organizing bills, mail, and coupons as I manage my time as a mother of a large family.
This is part 2 of “Managing My Time”. *smile* In part 1 I talked about why it’s valuable for moms to manage their time, and then how I do that using my desk, a calendar, a day planner, how I organize reading material, grocery shopping & errands. Here, in part 2, I will share with you my strategies for organizing bills, mail, and coupons as I manage my time as a mother of a large family.
Being disorganized in the areas of bills, mail, and coupons can carry costly penalties. For the first 5 years of our marriage we did not have a good plan for managing these areas. Mail stacked up on the counter which caused bills to sometimes be lost or more often late because there was no plan for how to make sure they got paid by their individual due dates. And if a bill disappeared in the mail somewhere and never arrived at our house in the first place then we would not know it was missed, causing late fees to be accrued and credit to be damaged by late payments. Damaged credit scores affect the amount of interest people have to pay on loans and credit cards, and can even effect whether or not someone gets employment as employers are looking at credit scores now. When that missed bill did arrive the following month with twice the amount due, sometimes we could not afford to pay it in full which would cause a financial problem to have to manage until it was caught up. Once an organizational strategy was finally established, however, there hasn’t been any of these costly penalties – and the stress of disorder has been alleviated (which of course affects everyone in the family). *smile*
Being disorganized in the areas of bills, mail, and coupons can carry costly penalties. For the first 5 years of our marriage we did not have a good plan for managing these areas. Mail stacked up on the counter which caused bills to sometimes be lost or more often late because there was no plan for how to make sure they got paid by their individual due dates. And if a bill disappeared in the mail somewhere and never arrived at our house in the first place then we would not know it was missed, causing late fees to be accrued and credit to be damaged by late payments. Damaged credit scores affect the amount of interest people have to pay on loans and credit cards, and can even effect whether or not someone gets employment as employers are looking at credit scores now. When that missed bill did arrive the following month with twice the amount due, sometimes we could not afford to pay it in full which would cause a financial problem to have to manage until it was caught up. Once an organizational strategy was finally established, however, there hasn’t been any of these costly penalties – and the stress of disorder has been alleviated (which of course affects everyone in the family). *smile*
Managing the mail
When my husband brings the mail home every day now he places it on my counter/desk for me to organize. But I never let it stay there. Now, I have time in every day for that day’s tasks, but not for today’s and yesterday’s tasks (mail, laundry, etc.), so the mail must be dealt with as it arrives each day. I immediately throw away the junk mail, an easy first step which reveals what is left for me to put away. Then as soon as is convenient – but always that same day – I put the rest of the mail, mostly bills, away as well. Within about 3 minutes my counter is clean and functional again, and nothing from the mail will be forgotten or missed.Managing bills
To pay bills we personally do not choose to utilize automatic bill-paying options because we do not want to have chunks of money disappearing from our bank account when ever the bill-senders are ready to take it. We decide when the bills get paid ourselves (but still by their due date of course), in compliance with when my husband is paid.
Bills always get paid on time, we live within our means, but the timing needs to be managed by us. To organize our paper bills I purchased a simple 5x10-inch accordion file at the local office supply store. I labeled the first 3 tabs with the numbers 1, 2, and 3, representing each pay check in a month (most of the time there are two pay checks in a month, but occasionally there are 3 in one month).
When a bill arrives in the mail I open it up that same day, separate the bill stub from the rest of the letter, highlight on the bill stub the amount due and the due date so I can see those quickly and easily and there are no mistakes made (sometimes there are other amounts listed as well, and other dates). I shred the rest of that bill’s letter in our paper shredder. We bought a nice one off of Craigslist.com (“confetti style” shredding is important to avoid identity theft). I then file that bill in the accordion file behind either the #1 or the #2 tab, depending upon whether it needs to be paid from the first pay check or the second. Since my husband receives his pay check every two weeks, we pay our bills every two weeks as well. I simply gather the bills out of the appropriate tab and pay those as a group. With this method I see how much total money is going out in bills from that pay check, and how much will be going out the next pay check, to help us gauge what additional spending can be made at certain times. I can also make sure that bills are paid right off the top of a pay check first thing, so there is not over-spending and then discovering that there is now not enough money left to pay the necessary bills.
Next, to keep track of what bills we have, when they are due, and about how much is due on each one I made up a “Bills Due” chart (you may download a copy of my chart for free from DropBox if you'd like). I list our bills down the left side column in the order that they are due in a month. The tithe is always paid right off the top of the pay check. From there the rest of the bills are then listed in chronological order as to when they're due. The bill due on the 3rd is next at the top, then the bill due on the 7th, then the one due on the 10th, etc. down to the bill due on the 30th.
When a bill arrives in the mail, I mark on the Bills Due chart the date that particular bill is due. This serves two purposes. First, I can see at a glance if a bill did not arrive this month because there is no date written down for that bill. Second, I can know when a bill is due in a month (beginning, middle, end), so I can estimate how much will be due from the next two pay checks if I’d like, which helps us spend money wisely and carefully. See photo below (to enlarge double click on it). I keep this chart folded in half in the very front of my bills accordion file.
In the column marked “Amount” I write down for each bill either the exact amount (i.e. mortgage), or an average amount (i.e. electric bill) that will be due. This again helps me plan how much money will go out in bills in the next few weeks by knowing the usual due date and the amount.
In the row marked “tithe” there is a place for two separate check marks. From the first pay check I put a check mark in front of the back-slash to show myself that I paid it, and from the second pay check I put a check mark to the right of the back-slash.
My Bills Due chart is especially helpful for bills that are due every other month, and bills we get quarterly. These bills can be much harder to keep track of, and without this chart it’s very difficult for me to anticipate when they will be due in the future and hold that in my memory for 3 months *cringe* so I can plan our spending carefully.
When a bill arrives in the mail, I mark on the Bills Due chart the date that particular bill is due. This serves two purposes. First, I can see at a glance if a bill did not arrive this month because there is no date written down for that bill. Second, I can know when a bill is due in a month (beginning, middle, end), so I can estimate how much will be due from the next two pay checks if I’d like, which helps us spend money wisely and carefully. See photo below (to enlarge double click on it). I keep this chart folded in half in the very front of my bills accordion file.
In the column marked “Amount” I write down for each bill either the exact amount (i.e. mortgage), or an average amount (i.e. electric bill) that will be due. This again helps me plan how much money will go out in bills in the next few weeks by knowing the usual due date and the amount.
In the row marked “tithe” there is a place for two separate check marks. From the first pay check I put a check mark in front of the back-slash to show myself that I paid it, and from the second pay check I put a check mark to the right of the back-slash.
My Bills Due chart is especially helpful for bills that are due every other month, and bills we get quarterly. These bills can be much harder to keep track of, and without this chart it’s very difficult for me to anticipate when they will be due in the future and hold that in my memory for 3 months *cringe* so I can plan our spending carefully.
Managing coupons
Another way to manage money carefully and frugally is by using coupons. However, years ago the coupons that I clipped with the intention of saving us money never got used because they were not put in a place where I could see them, or use them by their expiration date, and remember to have them with me when shopping. You wouldn’t think it would take years for me to come up with a better plan *smile*, but it did. Now I only use coupons for the stores that I already shop at every week: Costco and Wal-Mart, and maybe for an occasional trip to Jo Ann Fabrics or Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I do not clip coupons for grocery or other items at lots of other stores because I don’t have time or the ability with lots of young kids with me to drive around to all different stores in order to “save money” with coupons. I would actually make up the difference in the amount of money saved by the gas money spent driving all around! *laugh* So I keep coupons very simple, and I usually have about 4-6 of them at a time clamped to the top of our refrigerator door, next to my Master Grocery List (See also - Charts and Lists That Save My Sanity). I do also shop at the dollar store periodically, Value Village, and the Good Will to save money, however. Before I go shopping each week I check to see if I have any coupons for items I’m already purchasing (I do not purchase items simply because I have a coupon for them). If I do have coupons to use then I’ll staple them to the top of my grocery list in an effort to not lose them, and to remember to use them.
For those of you friends who use crazy amounts of coupons *wink*, I do have an idea for you of how I would manage those if I needed to. I would try using another accordion file, like the one I use for bills, and I would mark the tabs one for each week in a month: “week 1”, “week, 2”, through “week 5” (for those rare months when there’s an extra week or part of one). Since using coupons within their due dates seems to be the main issue, I would file each coupon in the week that it would begin to be available for use. Then before shopping each week I would check in the pocket of that week’s coupons and see if there’s any I would like to use. If I choose not to use some that have dates which reach in to the following week, then I would move them to that following week’s pocket so that I have the option of using them still. Any coupons that I chose not to use or have expired I’d throw away. When coupons are good for as long as a month then I would put them in the first week’s pocket that they’re available for use, and simply move them to the next week’s pocket until they were used or expired. You could also do a similar system using paper mailing envelopes, clamped or paper-clipped together in order by week.
With an organized plan in place that has become habit, managing mail, bills, and coupons takes almost no mental energy or attention (the reason I forgot to include these systems in part 1 of “Managing My Time”! *laugh*). I simply keep these systems running smoothly, daily putting things where they belong, and leave them alone until I pay bills every other week. No worry, no confusion, and there are pretty much no mistakes. *beam*
Blessings on your efforts!
You may also be interested in some of my related posts:
Managing My Time, part 1 of 2 - Why it's valuable & How I do it
Orderliness - A Closer Look
Charts & Lists That Save My Sanity
Enjoying Being at Home
Managing My Time, part 1 of 2 - Why it's valuable & How I do it
Orderliness - A Closer Look
Charts & Lists That Save My Sanity
Enjoying Being at Home
Sabtu, 12 Agustus 2017
Motherhood with Vitality! Part 1 of 2
In this part 1 I will cover practices to encourage being well-rested:
I am often asked by people who know me or just see me out and about, how do I have such vitality and joy with my children - and especially with so many children? I'm happy to share with you what I've learned along my life journey, and I hope it will bless you as well.
I didn't realize how many habits I've gotten in to over the years until I listed them all in parts 1 and 2 together! *laugh* Writing out things like this is such a help to me, too. *smile* This is a great reminder for me to maintain doing what the Lord has shown me; and each of these things I'll talk about truly has a profound impact on my every day. Some of the items I'll share take discipline, and some of them are easy little "mom tips". *smile* Some things I do enable good, quality sleep which of course effects energy during the day; and some of the things I do in addition to getting enough rest. Doing life ON PURPOSE in the area of having energy for my day not only helps me feel my best, but energy and joy are also a gift to my husband and children.
- Adequate quality and quantity at night
- A weekly schedule
- Afternoon naps & "play alone times"
- No false energy
- Bedroom ready
- Regular bed times
- Exercise
- Being in shape
- Ear plugs
- Spiritual freedom
I didn't realize how many habits I've gotten in to over the years until I listed them all in parts 1 and 2 together! *laugh* Writing out things like this is such a help to me, too. *smile* This is a great reminder for me to maintain doing what the Lord has shown me; and each of these things I'll talk about truly has a profound impact on my every day. Some of the items I'll share take discipline, and some of them are easy little "mom tips". *smile* Some things I do enable good, quality sleep which of course effects energy during the day; and some of the things I do in addition to getting enough rest. Doing life ON PURPOSE in the area of having energy for my day not only helps me feel my best, but energy and joy are also a gift to my husband and children.
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Let's begin with practices that can encourage moms to be well-rested. There are multiple things we can do intentionally to make this more likely to happen.
Adequate night time sleep
It is absolutely crucial that moms, especially homeschooling moms, receive quality and adequate quantity of sleep most every night. I know this is no small matter, and believe me that I do not say this flippantly - but it really has to be a top priority if we are going to be able to be energetic, alert, creative, patient, peaceful, have something left at the end of our day to offer our hard-working husbands when they arrive home, and have endurance for not only our days but our entire week. I need 7 1/2 hours of sleep per night ideally. I protect this with great care.I am blessed to have a husband that protects my sleep with me as well. *smile* If I'm staying up later than is good for me, after a while he will gently ask me, "Are you watching the clock?" He encourages me to head to bed on time, and he is always understanding if I need to sacrifice something in order to get enough sleep. Some times I think I'll be able to do something on an evening, such as work on a post together with him, stay up to talk, or watch our weekly date night movie, but when I an just too tired he is always encourages me to go to bed. We actually quite frequently have "half a date night" at a time, because we're both too tired at the end of the week to watch a whole movie on Friday night. *chuckle*
If I am going to be able to rise up early in the morning and be productive and ready for the day, I have to get to bed on time. I know that it is tempting to stay up late and have quiet time to yourself - but if you're like me, your family will pay for your lack of sleep the next day. It actually is being responsible to get to bed at a regular time, and it is a gift to yourself, your husband, and your children for you to be well-rested. I'll talk more about how I get enough sleep in the following points of this post. I'm a much happier person, and I can generally handle life well when I'm well-rested.
A weekly schedule
A weekly schedule
It is absolutely crucial that I have a weekly schedule in place for myself and our children so that I do not expect 27-hour days out of myself, instead of my given 24 (which I used to do - and I failed at it every day *chuckle*). *smile* I am responsible for discipling our children (with my husband, under his authority and direction), homeschooling, keeping our home clean and orderly, preparing healthy meals, and maintaining my health physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I can only do this successfully when I am proactive about budgeting our time each week; deciding in advance what should happen, when it should happen, and making sure to get all of the most important things in ~ without sacrificing other important things. Getting a lot done has to be intentional - it will never just start happening one day if you wait long enough. *hugs* When I have a schedule in place I can rest better at night and even during the day time, because I know that there is a time set aside for all of the most important things in my life; I don't have to stress about "getting it all done" (generally *wink*)If you like, you can read more about scheduling in my posts: why a schedule is valuable, how I manage my time, how I go about creating a schedule exactly, schedules for varying family sizes, what to do with weekends, and more. *smile*
Afternoon naps & "play-alone time"
Giving our bodies a rest and re-grouping time is so, so good! We teach our children to nap through age 5, and they feel so good after having a rest, and their behavior reflects it in the afternoon for the remainder of the day compared to not having a nap. Our older children also have an independent quiet activity time during those same 2 hours every day, and when I've been pregnant or have had lots of young children I would usually have a nap for 30-45 minutes as well. Even if I don't sleep, my body is restful, my feet are up for a while, and I feel so much better. During our 2-hour alone time we can have uninterrupted thoughts, and no one disturbing our concentration and activities. It's a time to work on things that are not practical to work on with toddlers and babies around like during the rest of the day (not that the "littles" are a bother, they're just active and curious and things like sewing needles would be dangerous for them). The oldest children and I do a whole variety of independent things such as sewing projects or mending, baking, reading or listening to an audio book or message, painting, scrapbooking, drawing, organizational projects, letter writing, photography, or set up the whole play room with Transformers to play with without anyone knocking them down. *smile* Everyone is in a separate area. If an older child is in the family room or kitchen area with me we do not talk to each other during that time. All is quiet, and we come back together again after this time feeling renewed and refreshed.
No false energy
I've always been very guarded against drinking caffeine for it's obvious addictive tendencies, but also because it gives a false sense of being healthfully rested. Caffeinated coffee, tea, and energy drinks - they'll lash back in the end, from my experience, and from what I hear others talk about all the time. If we live day in and day out with out enough rest (commonly because we desire to "have our cake and eat it, too"; staying up late for our own personal time, but still having energy the next day from caffeine to function in our day) we're likely to bring on sickness from not resting our bodies enough. With caffeine people also experience irritability, increased appetite, and caffeine is a diuretic which eliminates the precious water I was so intentional to drink all morning. Many (if not most people I know) have migraine headaches and such when their caffeine wears off. In my opinion it's far better to simply make sure we have good sleep - quantity and quality. False energy will never serve me like real, genuine energy does. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that caffeine is a sin. *laugh* I do love my grande white mocha latte, but I get decaf. Once in a while, however, I do utilize caffeine, such as needing to get through the Sunday morning church service awake and learn something despite having been up repeatedly Saturday night with a child who has the flu. I choose to make exceptions when it would benefit me once-in-a-while, but it is not a life style. I'm actually even very hesitant to have caffeine on any morning because that tends to rob me of my afternoon nap which makes me feel so much better the rest of the day. When I've had caffeine and then miss my nap as a result (when I've need one), I've tended to get up from lying down scowling, tired, irritable, and not smiling when my husband arrives home for dinner.
I also do not have caffeine at night because then I'm very tempted to stay up and get lots of things done with that false energy, or if I do go to bed I likely cannot fall asleep. Either way I then begin the next day tired, and often times feeling like I can't do life. In my opinion, caffeine just doesn't do good things as a general rule.
Bedroom ready
I also do not have caffeine at night because then I'm very tempted to stay up and get lots of things done with that false energy, or if I do go to bed I likely cannot fall asleep. Either way I then begin the next day tired, and often times feeling like I can't do life. In my opinion, caffeine just doesn't do good things as a general rule.
Bedroom ready
Having our bedrooms at optimum sleep-enabling readiness can greatly effect both the quality and the quantity of our rest! I wrote a post called "Sleep Better - How to Make Your Bedroom a Better Place to Re-Charge", which explains how the amount of light, the temperature, the amount of stimulation, and the amount of messiness can hugely effect how well you sleep at night. I encourage you to read it. *smile* And I found the information for that post from a very sweet lady, author and sleep expert, Malia Jacobson, who has a great blog called The Well Rested Family. It is full of valuable information for adults and children alike - I had never before taken the time to read up on the "science" of sleep, but I am learning so much! And I highly recommend your checking out her blog!Regular bed times
I and the children need regular bed times. I know how much sleep I need for optimum health, and I know how much sleep each child needs for their optimum health - so establishing regular bed times helps make sure we get that amount to help us stay healthy and feel our best. After all, life is hard enough without adding exhaustion to it! If I don't get to bed on time, I can't easily get up on time either, which effects everyone in the family.It's time to be objective. The facts are, I need 7 1/2 hours of sleep at night for optimum health and energy. I also need to get up at 5:00 am in order to be ready for my day. So I simply back up on the clock from there to determine what time I need to, therefore, go to bed, which for me is 9:30 pm. Now I'm not legalistic about this; sometimes life happens and I have school work I have to finish correcting, or a child needs me and so I get to bed later. But I strive for, and have self-discipline for getting to bed on time. I am sometimes tempted to stay up and enjoy that quiet "me time", but if I'm honest, my family pays the price for that when I don't get enough sleep. I need to be my best to please the Lord, doing my very best with the task He's given me as wife and mother.
The children also need to be in bed on time for their own optimum health and well being! Their ability to have a great day is effected by their being rested; therefore, my day is also effected by their being rested. *smile* I need them to be well-rested! If I do not do my best to enable them to get enough sleep (to not be over tired, or under tired), then how can I realistically expect cooperation, obedience, smiles, good attitudes, servant's hearts, and accomplished academics from them?
Exercise
It's no secret that when we exercise, our bodies sleep better at night. I am very busy at home, and rarely sit down; and I even strive to get as much movement in to my day as possible by making that extra trip up the stairs even if it could be avoided. I hoist up those toddlers and carry them up the stairs, too, and not laboring under it but getting up strong! *smile*I have not been able to get out for exercise walks on a regular basis because of several reasons: I've had pregnancies and newborn babies back-to-back (10, 11, 12, 13 months apart); during pregnancy exercise would make me extremely nauseous for a few days afterwards; and my husband has never been home during daylight hours of the morning when I could go walking (I don't feel safe walking in the dark alone). There will be seasons later in life when I'll easily be able to get out for walks during the daylight hours.
In the mean time my husband and I purchased a really nice, used elliptical exercise machine off of Craig's List - and we LOVE it. It's the best exercise I've ever done, giving a full body work out that makes me pour sweat, plus it's in our garage for access whenever I can get to it! I've had seasons of working out in the mornings, and seasons of working out during the children's nap time, which I've preferred surprisingly enough. I really can't get up earlier than 5am because I can't get to bed regularly before 9:30 pm. So - afternoon time it is. *smile* I shoot for 5 days a week, and then if I miss a day or so at least I got in 3-4 times. I haven't been able to get back in to exercising again quite yet since our last 4 babies all were born within 22 months, but soon I will be back in to it. I so look forward to my body feeling strong again and being my trim self! And even if the Lord gives us more babies in the interim (we're praying!), we will not be in baby season forever and then it will be the time for getting aggressive with getting in shape more again.
Being in shape
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Just to mention here along with exercise that if a mom is pretty over weight, it's unlikely she'll be able to achieve ample energy and vitality. Weight really burdens us all down, and we need freedom from it. I fairly recently learned about, purchased, and read Wendy Jeub's book called, Love in a Diet. Wendy has 16 kids, and she is trim and energetic! Her book is small and only costs $7.47, but it's packed full with practical tips for every day moms to enable them to lose weight and find that freedom! I lost 10 lbs. after I read it...then I quit for a while feeling overwhelmingly busy with babies and kids *chuckle*...but then I got back into losing that baby weight again. *smile* And if you're interested, here's how I recently pursued, Losing the Baby Weight! and lost 65 pounds; and part 2, of Losing the Baby Weight!, including the book, Trim Healthy Mama, and a really important book called, Made to Crave.Ear plugs
I had become such a light sleeper with so many babies I was listening for, either on baby monitors in their own bedrooms. And my husband's loud breathing and/or snoring kept me awake for years. I didn't want to use ear plugs initially because I was afraid that I'd miss a child's call for me. But eventually I learned to trust the Lord that He would enable me to know when I was needed, or that Bobby would hear the calls for us, and I tried Mac's silicone ear plugs. Miraculous! I've used them for years now and I sleep so well! And, which is truly amazing to me, I still hear our children if they cry or have coughing due to being sick. God is faithful. My husband's breathing/snoring no longer keeps me awake, and I sleep soundly. So, so nice. These ear plugs can be found at all the grocery stores I've been to, or they can be ordered online.Spiritual freedom
I struggled for years with insomnia, but I didn't realize it for years. And I've been free from this struggle since then. After hearing dozens of personal testimonies about a great ministry called Be In Health, I finally read pastor Henry Wright's book called A More Excellent Way. He shares strait from scripture about people's health both physically and emotionally and how it is connected with spiritual issues. I also attended 2 classes on this material. I've also found freedom from over a dozen other struggles. It is life changing; I highly recommend it. *smile*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, I hope that having a window in to how I enable myself to be energetic and joyful in life has given you some good ideas for your own life as well! The Lord is so faithful to teach us how we can best serve Him when we ask him. Now just so it's said, I haven't always felt vivacious and joyful. *chuckle* I have had my very difficult times and days just like anyone else. But those days aren't a life style; enjoying life is my life style.
This information may seen like a lot to think about, but I want to encourage you to take your parenting seriously and take your vitality seriously. Parenthood is really a career and should be treated even more seriously. We need to always be learning, studying, growing, implementing what we learn, and working hard. We can just "get through it", but that's really torturous; or we can embrace where we are and achieve success and vitality in life!
Blessings on your efforts!
You may also be interested in reading:
Losing the Baby Weight, part 1 and part 2
Recommended resources:
Malia Jacobson's, The Well Rested Family blog
Love in a Diet, by Wendy Jeub
Trim Healthy Mama,by Pearl Barrett & Serene Allison
Love in a Diet, by Wendy Jeub
Trim Healthy Mama,by Pearl Barrett & Serene Allison
Senin, 07 Agustus 2017
Relief Part 1
November 19, 2016: 7w0d
I had my first ultrasound this week and (drum roll, please) we saw a HEARTBEAT!
November 17th: Hi, baby!!!! You are 6w5d right now.
We also saw a gigantic, massive bleed that looked nearly identical to Cecelia's sub-chorionic hemorrhage back in 2011. The ultrasound tech barely said a word to us during the entire test (maddening) and then the nurse called later that day to say, 'Baby is growing nicely but there is blood in front of the placenta.' I'm guessing that is the same thing as a SCH? They ordered another ultrasound in two weeks to see if the bleed is resolving and I'm supposed to remain on pelvic rest.
If I hadn't seen something this horrifying with Cecelia, and didn't know that it could turn out totally 100% fine, I'd probably be freaking out. I mean, I still feel a little uneasy about bleeding so much and then seeing a bleed that completely dwarfs our baby. But after spending the last 1.5 weeks in total mental limbo, I'm ready to embrace the positive. I'm trying to remind myself of this often, because what is the point of being sad and worried all of the time? It's pointless, and I should know by now that it's all out of my control anyway.
Baby had a heartbeat of 126 bpm which is normal for this age. It measured spot-on at 6w5d which is identical to my measurement using my last menstrual period. I tell you what: seeing that tiny gummy bear BABY with a heartbeat never, ever gets old. It's the most amazing thing ever and my stomach rises into my throat just thinking about that moment.
I cannot believe we get to do this again. Cannot. Believe.
Nate was with me and he was positive going into it, and positive coming out of it. We went out to lunch wear I forced myself to eat and not puke, then met with a contractor and an architect about building an addition on our house. More on this later, my head is still spinning from everything right now.
Symptoms of note:
-Bloated like woah, nearly a real bump which seems impossible
-gassy in the evenings, disgustingness.
-highly emotional---I've cried over the strangest things this week and feel on the verge of tears 50% of the time. One morning I started to cry when Porter and Cecelia both cried for various reasons. I felt like such a failure of a mother and that the world was ending. I mean, come on! Someone is always crying at our house, but why does it have to be me now?
-Nauseous. Food sounds disgusting but I'm starving. Waves of wanting to puke mostly in the first half of the day.
-Hypersensitive sniffer. I think Henry's dog farts almost pushed me over the edge today.
-Peeing non-stop. I even have to wake up before 6 am to pee which is highly unusual for me.
-EXHAUSTED. I'm taking naps most days which is also not my norm. I wake up still tired and crash at 9pm at night. The Fatigue is usually my biggest symptom of the first trimester and oh, what a beast it is for productivity in life.
-Boobs super tender. Not any bigger yet, unfortch.
-Short of breath climbing stairs. I mean, really?
-Dizziness when I stand up.
-Headaches.
That's quite the list!
I'm also not running anymore, officially. I haven't run since I bled on election day and I'm missing a 10k race that we are both signed up to run tomorrow. Honestly, I miss running and was really getting into a groove of running fast and running often. But I also feel so tired and nauseated that I don't care. The doctor didn't tell me I can't run but I'm using my logic and saying that my body probably cannot handle running if I bled pretty badly after my last run. So I'm tapping out from the race and probably until the second trimester, or beyond.
I also don't even miss alcohol yet. It sounds disgusting like all food and drink. I can barely drink a whole cup of coffee anymore. WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD??
The only thing that sounded really amazing this week was hard salami and cheese on crackers. Is that the most random craving ever? We have never purchased hard salami at the store, ever. I almost bought some but that morning I felt like I would vom if I had to stand by the deli meats any longer, so I skipped it. But now that I'm writing about it, I totally want some salami asap.
Senin, 24 Juli 2017
Closet Remix Challenge Week 4 Part 1
I can't believe it is already Week 4 of the Closet Remix Challenge! Anyone else doing this? I love following all of the Instagram fashionistas during this challenge. So inspirational! Check out my Week 1, Week 2 Part 1, Week 2 Part 2, and Week 3!
Monday:
I was in Buffalo for work Sunday-Tuesday, so I had to pack for a carry-on. Not one of my strengths. But I did it! I wasn't the best at taking photos either. I wore the outfit that may or may not be seen on this week's Fashion Friday because it was comfy, easy to move around in (for packing and unpacking a booth - not an easy task) and still looked semi professional.
Tuesday:
We got to the airport early and had the best breakfast ever - Buffalo wings!
Our 10:30AM Buffalo flight to Chicago left on time - then was diverted to Detroit because of icy Chicago weather. No problem with me - I would rather be diverted then in any sort of plane trouble!! Well, we ended up being at the Detroit airport from about noon to 8pm. This was me most of the day, and I will call my parka my Tuesday outfit.
At least this gave me plenty of time to shop for a monkey for Nate (well, usually ends up for the little girls. But when I buy it I think of Nate).
Wednesday:
I am back to reality! Flying drugs are still wearing off, ears still haven't popped and I am coming down with a cold so I wanted something cozy for work. Hearts cardigan from Forever 21 (also seen on date night here), sequin pocket t-shirt super old from Old Navy, MiH reddish pants, Urban Outfitters necklace (told you I wear it almost daily!).
Will post Thursday and Friday's outfits sometime this weekend! Now I need to decide if I want to go to bed early to try and fight this cold or catch up on the Bachelor...hmmm...
Also, did you check out Lily's page yet? Just love that girl! Thanks for the love, Lily!
Jumat, 21 Juli 2017
Working Like a Man or How American Feminism Failed Part 1
The majority of the information for this post was pulled from a chapter of my master’s thesis Social Capital and the New Motherhood(2007). I tried to condense what is a complex argument, but felt I couldn’t make my larger point if I cut anything else. So, I have broken this argument up into two posts. In addition, look forward to further future individual exploration of many of the topics introduced here.
Images of American motherhood have changed drastically over the last five decades. From the extremes of the Donna Reed image of the 1950s, to the career mother images of the 1980s, to the present images of the dedicated, self-sacrificing mothers (see the recent “Are You Mom Enough” article in Time Magazine), the way women have approached motherhood over these decades has been characterized by its place in the larger context of the women’s movement.
Early feminism, such as the nineteenth-century feminists like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott and Susan B. Anthony held motherhood in high esteem and felt that it was a noble pursuit specifically suited for women. Even the unmarried, childless Anthony was known for elevating parenthood to an almost sacred level. It is significant to acknowledge that the early suffragists belonged to the middle-class almost exclusively, which at the time had the benefit of an extended domestic staff. As such, their focus on equal rights seemed rational and legitimate because from their experience motherhood represented a marginal time commitment and little physical labor. They did not see motherhood as a burden or a legitimate focus around which a women’s movement could be organized in order to alleviate those burdens.
The early women’s movements were in many ways swept under the rug by the success of the women’s suffrage movement. Because of a depleted male labor force in World War II, women were pulled out of their homes to help in wartime factories and other employment opportunities. After the war, however, an ideological campaign to send women back to the homes began. The 1950s was dominated by the traditional male breadwinner/homemaker model. As a rule, middle class women cared for the home and the children full-time while men worked. This “traditional model” was largely made possible by the economic reality of the family wage. A middle class man could make enough money on his income to not only own a home but also many new, modern time-saving devices such as vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, washing machines, and second cars. It was a time of economic boom and prosperity. The American dream was alive and well with a “can do” image permeating every aspect of life. (As a side note, the loss of the family wage is partially responsible for the current need to maintain a two-income family which places increased economic pressure on parents of young children who require child care, more so than families with school aged children)
It was during this time in the 1950s however, that many home-bound women began to develop their own economic independence. The memory of wartime women in the workforce was fresh and their re-invigorated participation was motivated by both a desire to afford more consumer goods and as a way of providing some economic independence from their husbands. In almost all cases the addition of even a small income was enough to elevate a family enough economically to secure a middle-class status. These incomes came from crafts and hobbies, Tupperware parties and sometimes part-time jobs.
Rabu, 24 Mei 2017
Scrapbooking thoughts part one
I've never been one to steal ideas for my scrapbooking layouts. My scrapbooking started way before the internet dominated the world, so I've always just made my own creations as I went.
I still plan on doing my own thing....BUT....there are some majorly talented scrappers out there. As I attempt to cross this bridge into the world of digital, I find myself constantly looking for tips, help, inspiration online.
I stumbled upon the website called Two Peas in a Bucket and if you have ANY interest in scrapping you must go over there now. Digital supplies, chat rooms [my weakness!!], tutorials, challenges, and even a few selected "top dog" designers. Here are their bios, but don't say I didn't warn you. You'll be there for awhile:)
Here are a few of my favorite designers [although I could probably post about each one of them.] I am utterly fascinated with their digital skills. I can only hope and dream to get this good with Photoshop. I will admit that my traditional scrapbook layouts will PALE in comparison to these, so I probably should have posted about this website after I post about my own stuff.....but whatev. You guys will just have to see the best of the best first, and then my meager attempts later. Don't judge me, I'm just a humble little "hobby scrapper." I aspire to be like these designers someday.
SO NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS MY WORK, OKAY? [I'm not sure if it's legal for me to post these, so I linked to everything possible. ]
By Jill Hornby:
1. Untitled: LOVE the hodge podge style here.
2. Family Pictures: I love how this one looks hand drawn. Maybe that's the traditional scrapper in me because I love drawing on my pages, using my own handwriting.
3. Most Memorable: I'm a sucker for multiple pictures on a page, like this. And girlie flowers? Mmmkay.
Layouts by Mary Grace Abuzman:
1. Bamboo: I'm not a cat person but I LOVE this layout.
2. Picture Perfect: Now maybe I could handle something somewhat simple like this.
3. Mommy Love: Love it, love it, love it.
Tomorrow I am off of work, since I will be working on Saturday. Do you know what that means? Yup, lots and lots and lots of scrapping. I will continue my thoughts on this subject tomorrow [as I squeeze in some blog time between scrapping and lounging].
On a completely unrelated note: we talked to our landlord. He said the girl who viewed our apartment for 45 minutes [while we froze our butts off outside] is "very interested" and was taking notes the whole time. Now THAT'S a girl I could befriend...an anal retentive, detail oriented person! She is going to call our landlord back in one week. He also said our apartment "shows well." Go, us! Also, I changed our Craigslist ad to have our phone number and our anonymous email. After being posted for less than twelve hours, I have an inquiry gleaming in my inbox. I think we are getting somewhere, folks!
Moms Make it Work Jessica Part Time Work at Home Mom as a Photography Business Owner
Today we have Jessica posting for us, and she is a real-life friend of Sara--which is how she found me and the Moms Make it Work series. Jessica is mom to Julia (yay!) and Lana, lives in St. Louis, and owns her own photography business. She was previously working as a lady lawyer and now she calls herself a part-time, work from home mom as a photographer. I loved Jessica's post and know you will, too. Enjoy!
Thank you so much, Julia, for hosting this fantastic series and letting me be a part of it! I used to blog, but quit when my second was born (apparently I’ve been saving up all my words for this post!). For now, I can be found on Instagram @jesglunt, and posting about photography at jessicaglunt.zenfolio.com.
-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?
In college, I majored in biology and chemistry. I ended up going to law school, planning to do intellectual property law (patents and trademarks). Long story short, I was in law school for the wrong reasons, but by the time I figured out I wanted to bail, I was already neck-deep in debt, so I decided to stick it out. I got my masters degree in biology at night at the same time, which helped me keep one foot in the science world.
In my parallel personal life, I met my husband Robert a few weeks into our freshman year of college, and we were finally dating a few months before we graduated. I decided to attend law school here in St. Louis, conveniently where Robert grew up and where he had a job lined up after graduation. We got married in the summer between my first and second years of law school. We were such babies - just 23!
Photo Credit: Paul Dyer
After graduating law school, I got a job at one of the top firms in town. The projects were great and the people were great, but it wasn’t a great fit for me at the time. Still, the experience and salary were also great, so I stuck with it, hoping things would get better and paying down my loans in the mean time.
After about two years, we could financially swing me quitting in favor of a much less lucrative science job. Part of me wanted to go back to school for a PhD, but I was terrified of more debt and lukewarm on going back to school for so many years unless I was positive that’s what I wanted to do. So, I found a job doing genome research work to test the waters, and I loved it.
Then.... Pregnant!
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
We were thrilled, but the timing wasn’t great. I hadn’t been at the new job long enough to qualify for FMLA, my boss wasn’t especially supportive of the situation, and childcare costs would have entirely eaten up my newly-reduced salary. So, I quit.
Julia arrived in October 2010, and she was fantastic: bright-eyed and easygoing from the get-go.
Photo Credit: Joel Marion Photography
When she was about six months old, I looked at Robert and said, “Kids are easy. Let’s do this again.” We decided to roll the dice. I was exclusively breastfeeding Julia, and I didn’t really expect to get pregnant right away, so.....
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
We ended up with two darling girls eighteen months apart when Lana was born in April 2012.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
After that, it was simply survival at our house. Lana was very decidedly NOT easygoing as a baby, so we had lots of drama, for a very long time.
When Lana was about eighteen months old, I finally felt like I could keep my head above water again. I had gotten a DSLR when Julia was very young, and I started taking photos of other children and families, just for experience. After doing that for awhile, to reach a comfort level with the workload and with photography itself, I launched an actual photography business. There’s still a lot of change and adjusting happening as I ramp things up, but I feel comfortable calling myself a part-time, work-at-home-mom.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
I do around four photo sessions a month, which are usually during the evening or on weekends, so Robert watches the girls during those. I edit photos and do business-related work during their nap and sometimes after they go to bed. But, I wouldn’t be able to swing this if I didn’t have either my mother-in-law or a babysitter watch the girls for a half day about once a week. When that doesn’t work out (which is more often than I’d like!), I find I fall really behind. Both girls will be in school at the same time for two whole mornings this fall, and I’m hoping that gives me some more time to work on the business.
-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?
I’m not a person who particularly loves staying home with her kids, but I love that I have stayed home. Whether it’s nature or nurture, the girls are just like Robert and me in that they love routine and calmness. Because I stay home, the household runs (relatively) smoothly: there’s always food to eat, someone to stay home with a sick child, and the bedtime routine happens the same way at the same time every day. We’re just not chaos people, and if I worked, we’d ALL have more chaotic lives than any of us would want.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
While there are certainly days when I think I’d be a better mom if I could just get a freaking break from children for a few hours - even if that break is at a paying job! - I think I’m a better mom overall because I stay home. I’m able to approach parenting with a clearer mind and a deliberateness that I wouldn’t be able to manage if I were working full time.
That said, the transition was really difficult for me. I’d always based a large chunk of my identity on school and work success, and to suddenly have that part of me go dormant was really tough, especially on my ego. Suddenly, I was alone with a toddler and a baby, and days could go by without me talking to another adult.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
While lots of my working friends were having babies around the same time, I can’t think of a single friend who also quit her job to stay home full time. Of course I know other SAHMs, but I was a rarity for quitting. Also, because my career path was in flux when I quit, a part of me felt like I just gave up at the working world, like staying home was a symptom of personal failure.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
Of course, I always came back around to the fact that Robert and I made this decision because we thought it was best for our family, but it still took me a really long time to come to terms with my new life.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
There’s been an unexpected side effect to me staying home: I’ve grown a lot as a person, and in particular, I’ve become much calmer. Despite hating chaos, I love the busy, GO-GO-GO life, and suddenly dropping off the hamster wheel has forced me to change some things about myself. I’ve had to learn internal validation (no more GPAs or fat paychecks to tell me whether I’m good at life!). I’ve had to learn to cope with stress and disappointment without a cocktail or three. I’ve had to find peace and joy in doing the seven thousand mundane tasks that I do every day - that are usually erased or reversed almost immediately - in service to my family.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
I’ve had to redefine what gives me value as a person. Basically, it’s been a really humbling time, and a time that’s forced me to get back to the basics of what’s important in life. It’s not a lesson I was particularly interested in learning, to be honest, but I’m also learning that I need to try to embrace, rather than control, what life throws at me.
-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?
I don’t know! I never had a firm 5-year-plan, so I’m not sure exactly where I was going, career-wise. Robert and I both had moms who stayed at home, though, so I think that was always in the back of our minds as the more comfortable option. I was never even set on having children, but I knew Robert wanted them when I married him. It was just always ... sometime in the future.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
If I could go back and give Young Jessica one piece of advice, it’d be to actually sit down and deliberately plan out our goals for growing a family and try to work a career around that.
-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?
You know, I had written a whole answer to this question, talking about where I’d like to be with my business and how I’d like to tweak the balance between work and family... And then I realized: of course I will always have changes I want to make, because hopefully I’ll always have goals and always be growing.
Photo Credit: Jodie Allen, Fresh Art Photography
And, in that sense, yes, this is my ideal situation. I don’t want it to always be exactly like this, but I love that I’m finally in a season of growth after what felt like a very long season of just barely getting by.
-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?
Like I said, I’m not especially in love with staying home full-time. Of course I love my little bugs immeasurably, and I treasure the moments we have, but child care is not and never will be my thing. I’m viewing these early years as taking one for the family team, and I do hope to make some changes in the next couple years as the girls work their way through preschool and into elementary school.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
But I don’t know what that looks like. It’s unnerving, but I’m trying to embrace the uncertainty. I had no idea, three years ago, that I’d be doing photography right now. I’ve considered everything from growing the photography business to going to medical school to finding another legal job. Everything has its pros and cons, and the decision will just have to be made in a few years when I know what variables we’re working with. I know it’s likely that I’ll always be the more hands-on parent as long as Robert is pulling in our main source of income, and I’m okay with that.
-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:
Just like many other posters have said, I could not do this without my husband. He’s a fantastic, incredibly hands-on father, and we are a 50/50 team. Sure, we divvy up the duties, but we’re both working in one capacity or another from the moment the alarm goes off in the morning to whatever o’clock at night when we finally collapse on the couch together.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
We communicate a ton, perhaps a nauseating amount. And he has been such a huge support throughout all my transitions - from telling me that I’m a good mom when I desperately need to hear those words, to never once complaining about fielding the kiddos while I’m off taking pictures.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
And schedules! The girls are on a daily schedule. Lana’s sleep is still a little unpredictable, but generally, we have meals, nap, and bedtime at the same time, in the same way, each day. I’m not crazy rigid, I swear, but it has to be a pretty special occasion for me to blow off the schedule. Robert and I also sit down with our calendars every few days. We schedule everything - grocery shopping, trips to the gym, even sometimes a block of time to sit down and discuss a difficult topic.
-How do you handle mommy guilt?
Most of my mommy guilt is justified, and I use it to identify areas that I need to change (or motivate me to make those changes), like, “Aw my kids watch too much TV” so maybe I should cut out a show or two.
But my general mommy guilt has lessened as I’ve gotten more mature. I’ve been fortunate to watch many of my friends become mothers, and that’s taught me like nothing else could, how different people have different styles, different priorities, and different constraints, but everyone I know is trying as hard as they can. Parents only have finite resources and everyone is juggling too many balls with not enough arms (ok so metaphors are also not my thing), and as I cut other parents some slack, I do the same with myself. I try my best so I can sit down at the end of the day and find peace in that.
Photo Credit: Jessica Glunt, Emma Constance Photography
Suffering is part of the human condition; I cannot create a perfect life for my kids no matter how hard I try, nor should I want to. My job is to teach them to cope with the bad things, and it’s inevitable I will be the source of some of their sadness. I accept that, and I don’t even think it’s such a bad thing for them to learn that everyone - even their mom - has limits to their patience and time. We all smile when we see each other every morning, and I love them so fiercely. That’s what matters.
Photo Credit: Jessica Glunt, Emma Constance Photography
-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?
Figure out what’s right for you, stand behind it, and let it go. Anyone who gives you a hard time about your decisions is struggling with their own issues, and that has nothing to do with you. People who are secure don’t try to make other people feel insecure; don’t take on anyone else’s baggage.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??
I handle 95% of the meals. After Robert and I sync our schedules for the week, I menu plan and do the big grocery shop and farmer’s market on the weekend. I also usually run out mid-week to stock up on perishables. I cook or prep dinner for Robert to grill almost every night of the week, then we eat the leftovers for lunch the next day. We’re in the process of trying to cut down on meals out on the weekends. It’s so nice to take a break from cooking and dishes, but it can get so expensive!
For those interested in minutiae: I usually get our protein in the crockpot either first thing in the morning or over nap. Veggies go in the crockpot too, or they’re prepped for the oven during nap. Carbs are usually combined with either the crockpot or the oven - although I’m not above throwing a box of crackers on the dinner table - and fruit is cut up as we’re setting the table. I’ve accumulated a bunch of great recipes over the past three years, just by trying to make one new recipe a week. Sometimes it’s a bust, but sometimes it’s a keeper, and if it is, it goes in the binder.
-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?
We have a cleaning lady who comes every other week, for deep cleaning, and I don’t know how I’d manage without that. I do very little vacuuming, dusting, etc., otherwise, but I clean the kitchen constantly and pick up the house at least nightly. I’m also constantly moving furniture around and reorganizing things, so something is usually getting deep-cleaned every week. I rotate the girls’ toys so we only have a few out at a time, which helps with pick-up. We also only store toys in our sunroom and our basement, so the main areas of the house stay pretty neat. It’s not perfect, but it works. And as much as I hate cleaning at 9:00 at night, it’s SO worth it to not wake up to a mess.
Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography
If you’re still reading, thank you! And thank you so much, Julia, for letting me enter the “World’s Longest Guest Post” contest! Big hugs to everyone who’s participated, including the readers and commenters. It’s been such a pleasure reading all these posts, and I look forward to the rest of the series!
{Thank you, Jessica ! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}
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