Train potty

Today we have Jessica posting for us, and she is a real-life friend of Sara--which is how she found me and the Moms Make it Work series. Jessica is mom to Julia (yay!) and Lana, lives in St. Louis, and owns her own photography business. She was previously working as a lady lawyer and now she calls herself a part-time, work from home mom as a photographer. I loved Jessica's post and know you will, too. Enjoy!





Thank you so much, Julia, for hosting this fantastic series and letting me be a part of it! I used to blog, but quit when my second was born (apparently I’ve been saving up all my words for this post!). For now, I can be found on Instagram @jesglunt, and posting about photography at jessicaglunt.zenfolio.com.


-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

In college, I majored in biology and chemistry. I ended up going to law school, planning to do intellectual property law (patents and trademarks). Long story short, I was in law school for the wrong reasons, but by the time I figured out I wanted to bail, I was already neck-deep in debt, so I decided to stick it out. I got my masters degree in biology at night at the same time, which helped me keep one foot in the science world.

In my parallel personal life, I met my husband Robert a few weeks into our freshman year of college, and we were finally dating a few months before we graduated. I decided to attend law school here in St. Louis, conveniently where Robert grew up and where he had a job lined up after graduation. We got married in the summer between my first and second years of law school. We were such babies - just 23!

Photo Credit: Paul Dyer


After graduating law school, I got a job at one of the top firms in town. The projects were great and the people were great, but it wasn’t a great fit for me at the time. Still, the experience and salary were also great, so I stuck with it, hoping things would get better and paying down my loans in the mean time.

After about two years, we could financially swing me quitting in favor of a much less lucrative science job. Part of me wanted to go back to school for a PhD, but I was terrified of more debt and lukewarm on going back to school for so many years unless I was positive that’s what I wanted to do. So, I found a job doing genome research work to test the waters, and I loved it.

Then.... Pregnant!


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography


We were thrilled, but the timing wasn’t great. I hadn’t been at the new job long enough to qualify for FMLA, my boss wasn’t especially supportive of the situation, and childcare costs would have entirely eaten up my newly-reduced salary. So, I quit.

Julia arrived in October 2010, and she was fantastic: bright-eyed and easygoing from the get-go.


Photo Credit: Joel Marion Photography


When she was about six months old, I looked at Robert and said, “Kids are easy. Let’s do this again.” We decided to roll the dice. I was exclusively breastfeeding Julia, and I didn’t really expect to get pregnant right away, so.....



Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography



We ended up with two darling girls eighteen months apart when Lana was born in April 2012.




Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography


After that, it was simply survival at our house. Lana was very decidedly NOT easygoing as a baby, so we had lots of drama, for a very long time.

When Lana was about eighteen months old, I finally felt like I could keep my head above water again. I had gotten a DSLR when Julia was very young, and I started taking photos of other children and families, just for experience. After doing that for awhile, to reach a comfort level with the workload and with photography itself, I launched an actual photography business. There’s still a lot of change and adjusting happening as I ramp things up, but I feel comfortable calling myself a part-time, work-at-home-mom.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

I do around four photo sessions a month, which are usually during the evening or on weekends, so Robert watches the girls during those. I edit photos and do business-related work during their nap and sometimes after they go to bed. But, I wouldn’t be able to swing this if I didn’t have either my mother-in-law or a babysitter watch the girls for a half day about once a week. When that doesn’t work out (which is more often than I’d like!), I find I fall really behind. Both girls will be in school at the same time for two whole mornings this fall, and I’m hoping that gives me some more time to work on the business.

-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

I’m not a person who particularly loves staying home with her kids, but I love that I have stayed home. Whether it’s nature or nurture, the girls are just like Robert and me in that they love routine and calmness. Because I stay home, the household runs (relatively) smoothly: there’s always food to eat, someone to stay home with a sick child, and the bedtime routine happens the same way at the same time every day. We’re just not chaos people, and if I worked, we’d ALL have more chaotic lives than any of us would want.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography


While there are certainly days when I think I’d be a better mom if I could just get a freaking break from children for a few hours - even if that break is at a paying job! - I think I’m a better mom overall because I stay home. I’m able to approach parenting with a clearer mind and a deliberateness that I wouldn’t be able to manage if I were working full time.

That said, the transition was really difficult for me. I’d always based a large chunk of my identity on school and work success, and to suddenly have that part of me go dormant was really tough, especially on my ego. Suddenly, I was alone with a toddler and a baby, and days could go by without me talking to another adult.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

While lots of my working friends were having babies around the same time, I can’t think of a single friend who also quit her job to stay home full time. Of course I know other SAHMs, but I was a rarity for quitting. Also, because my career path was in flux when I quit, a part of me felt like I just gave up at the working world, like staying home was a symptom of personal failure.



Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography


Of course, I always came back around to the fact that Robert and I made this decision because we thought it was best for our family, but it still took me a really long time to come to terms with my new life.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

There’s been an unexpected side effect to me staying home: I’ve grown a lot as a person, and in particular, I’ve become much calmer. Despite hating chaos, I love the busy, GO-GO-GO life, and suddenly dropping off the hamster wheel has forced me to change some things about myself. I’ve had to learn internal validation (no more GPAs or fat paychecks to tell me whether I’m good at life!). I’ve had to learn to cope with stress and disappointment without a cocktail or three. I’ve had to find peace and joy in doing the seven thousand mundane tasks that I do every day - that are usually erased or reversed almost immediately - in service to my family.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

I’ve had to redefine what gives me value as a person. Basically, it’s been a really humbling time, and a time that’s forced me to get back to the basics of what’s important in life. It’s not a lesson I was particularly interested in learning, to be honest, but I’m also learning that I need to try to embrace, rather than control, what life throws at me.


-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

I don’t know! I never had a firm 5-year-plan, so I’m not sure exactly where I was going, career-wise. Robert and I both had moms who stayed at home, though, so I think that was always in the back of our minds as the more comfortable option. I was never even set on having children, but I knew Robert wanted them when I married him. It was just always ... sometime in the future.

Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

If I could go back and give Young Jessica one piece of advice, it’d be to actually sit down and deliberately plan out our goals for growing a family and try to work a career around that.

-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

You know, I had written a whole answer to this question, talking about where I’d like to be with my business and how I’d like to tweak the balance between work and family... And then I realized: of course I will always have changes I want to make, because hopefully I’ll always have goals and always be growing.



Photo Credit: Jodie Allen, Fresh Art Photography


And, in that sense, yes, this is my ideal situation. I don’t want it to always be exactly like this, but I love that I’m finally in a season of growth after what felt like a very long season of just barely getting by.


-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

Like I said, I’m not especially in love with staying home full-time. Of course I love my little bugs immeasurably, and I treasure the moments we have, but child care is not and never will be my thing. I’m viewing these early years as taking one for the family team, and I do hope to make some changes in the next couple years as the girls work their way through preschool and into elementary school.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography


But I don’t know what that looks like. It’s unnerving, but I’m trying to embrace the uncertainty. I had no idea, three years ago, that I’d be doing photography right now. I’ve considered everything from growing the photography business to going to medical school to finding another legal job. Everything has its pros and cons, and the decision will just have to be made in a few years when I know what variables we’re working with. I know it’s likely that I’ll always be the more hands-on parent as long as Robert is pulling in our main source of income, and I’m okay with that.


-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

Just like many other posters have said, I could not do this without my husband. He’s a fantastic, incredibly hands-on father, and we are a 50/50 team. Sure, we divvy up the duties, but we’re both working in one capacity or another from the moment the alarm goes off in the morning to whatever o’clock at night when we finally collapse on the couch together.

Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

We communicate a ton, perhaps a nauseating amount. And he has been such a huge support throughout all my transitions - from telling me that I’m a good mom when I desperately need to hear those words, to never once complaining about fielding the kiddos while I’m off taking pictures.

Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

And schedules! The girls are on a daily schedule. Lana’s sleep is still a little unpredictable, but generally, we have meals, nap, and bedtime at the same time, in the same way, each day. I’m not crazy rigid, I swear, but it has to be a pretty special occasion for me to blow off the schedule. Robert and I also sit down with our calendars every few days. We schedule everything - grocery shopping, trips to the gym, even sometimes a block of time to sit down and discuss a difficult topic.

-How do you handle mommy guilt?

Most of my mommy guilt is justified, and I use it to identify areas that I need to change (or motivate me to make those changes), like, “Aw my kids watch too much TV” so maybe I should cut out a show or two.

But my general mommy guilt has lessened as I’ve gotten more mature. I’ve been fortunate to watch many of my friends become mothers, and that’s taught me like nothing else could, how different people have different styles, different priorities, and different constraints, but everyone I know is trying as hard as they can. Parents only have finite resources and everyone is juggling too many balls with not enough arms (ok so metaphors are also not my thing), and as I cut other parents some slack, I do the same with myself. I try my best so I can sit down at the end of the day and find peace in that.

Photo Credit: Jessica Glunt, Emma Constance Photography

Suffering is part of the human condition; I cannot create a perfect life for my kids no matter how hard I try, nor should I want to. My job is to teach them to cope with the bad things, and it’s inevitable I will be the source of some of their sadness. I accept that, and I don’t even think it’s such a bad thing for them to learn that everyone - even their mom - has limits to their patience and time. We all smile when we see each other every morning, and I love them so fiercely. That’s what matters.


Photo Credit: Jessica Glunt, Emma Constance Photography

-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Figure out what’s right for you, stand behind it, and let it go. Anyone who gives you a hard time about your decisions is struggling with their own issues, and that has nothing to do with you. People who are secure don’t try to make other people feel insecure; don’t take on anyone else’s baggage.

Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

I handle 95% of the meals. After Robert and I sync our schedules for the week, I menu plan and do the big grocery shop and farmer’s market on the weekend. I also usually run out mid-week to stock up on perishables. I cook or prep dinner for Robert to grill almost every night of the week, then we eat the leftovers for lunch the next day. We’re in the process of trying to cut down on meals out on the weekends. It’s so nice to take a break from cooking and dishes, but it can get so expensive!

For those interested in minutiae: I usually get our protein in the crockpot either first thing in the morning or over nap. Veggies go in the crockpot too, or they’re prepped for the oven during nap. Carbs are usually combined with either the crockpot or the oven - although I’m not above throwing a box of crackers on the dinner table - and fruit is cut up as we’re setting the table. I’ve accumulated a bunch of great recipes over the past three years, just by trying to make one new recipe a week. Sometimes it’s a bust, but sometimes it’s a keeper, and if it is, it goes in the binder.

-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

We have a cleaning lady who comes every other week, for deep cleaning, and I don’t know how I’d manage without that. I do very little vacuuming, dusting, etc., otherwise, but I clean the kitchen constantly and pick up the house at least nightly. I’m also constantly moving furniture around and reorganizing things, so something is usually getting deep-cleaned every week. I rotate the girls’ toys so we only have a few out at a time, which helps with pick-up. We also only store toys in our sunroom and our basement, so the main areas of the house stay pretty neat. It’s not perfect, but it works. And as much as I hate cleaning at 9:00 at night, it’s SO worth it to not wake up to a mess.


Photo Credit: Caroline Nelson, A Better Story Photography

If you’re still reading, thank you! And thank you so much, Julia, for letting me enter the “World’s Longest Guest Post” contest! Big hugs to everyone who’s participated, including the readers and commenters. It’s been such a pleasure reading all these posts, and I look forward to the rest of the series!

{Thank you, Jessica ! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}

Last time I blogged daily in August of 2013, I covered the topic of Exercising as a Mom of Two. And then a reader left this comment:

"I would love a post about exercise and reclaiming your body after kids, how you have lost the baby weight and your goals for future fitness, how you prioritize being healthy, etc. you are so inspiring!"

Not sure about the inspiring part but I will touch on this topic again and will list a few workout songs I'm into these days, too.

Regarding 'reclaiming' my body after three kids? The third time around has been a little harder, honestly. Either that or I've been more focused on it and weighed myself much more frequently, especially knowing that I didn't have prolonged nursing on my side anymore. I hate to be a head case about the scale but it's I toed the line a bit there.

I gained forty-three pounds with Truman and lost it all by nine months, and I don't remember weighing myself too often to see how quickly it left me. (One week PP post here, two weeks PP post here, and eleven months PP post here.) I gained thirty-four pounds with Cecelia and same thing: definitely gone by nine months but I can't say that I was weighing myself regularly (two week PP post here). With both Truman and Cecelia I was nursing like crazy that entire time (to a year with Truman, sixteen months with CC). Plus, we trained and ran half marathons before those children turned a year old.

I gained less weight when pregnant with Porter (31 pounds), I lost the first 20 pounds really quickly (one week PP post here), and then hung onto the final 10 for what seemed like forever. Porter stopped breastfeeding at six months and that is when I really ramped up my workouts to be consistently three days per week, and I no longer had to worry about killing my milk supply with a few hard workouts. So I figured the rest of the weight would just fall off with increased workouts, but it's been a slower....at least in my head it has been.

The last time I weighed myself I was two pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm nearly ten months postpartum. Two pounds is practically nothing, since I can easily justify that being extra water or a big meal or heavier clothes I'm wearing when I step on the scale;) We have been training for a half marathon for the past four weeks, which is slightly later in the postpartum time frame than what we've done in the past. Even though I was working out consistently from about six months until now, I think my body needs this extra mileage to really melt away the final ten pounds. And I never really thought breastfeeding burned that many calories for me past the first few months, but maybe they are right and it really does! Go figure.

So yes, I basically have my body back according to the scale just a month later than I did the previous two times. My pre-pregnancy clothes started fitting around three months postpartum but of course things are shifted and a little wonky past the milestone of: Pre-Preg Jeans Fit, Holla! I'm blessed with super-great genes because I didn't get any stretch marks from my pregnancies (thanks, mom!!) but the skin of my stomach has always taken a solid six months to bounce back. Nothing too horrible, really, but if we are talking about terrifying body changes post-babies? My boobs. Oh, my poor little girls, you guys. Lest you want to hate me for being back to my pre-pregnancy weight already, let me just tell you about my tats.

I was an A/B cup before kids but they were a nice, perky set of smallish boobs that fit my frame just fine. Pregnancy always brought on a fantastic rack in the C/D range, and postpartum would initially bump my girls up to DDs. INSANITY for this flat chested mama and I did not enjoy those prime-breastfeeding tatas. I'd take my pregnancy boobs any day, though. Because now? I cannot even. I haven't been fitted for any bras since Porter stopped nursing because I cannot bring myself to know whether or not size 'negative double A' exists. Practically concave over here and I'm grateful for pregnancy and breastfeeding, but really wish my chest wasn't comparable to a twelve year old boy sometimes.

I like to dream about a boob job, and even my OB said, 'I wouldn't think bad of you if you got one.' AWESOME to hear that from a medical professional, right? OMG. But besides the cost and the pain and recovery and all of that, I would be so nervous that fake boobs wouldn't be ME, you know? I'm athletic and wouldn't know what to do with big boobs that I've never truly had, and I would be afraid they'd look totally foreign and....fake;) I don't know. For now I am comfortable enough to rock my pancakes and don't mind showing a little rib bones where cleavage is supposed to be on V-neck shirts, but whatever. I don't think I would ever actually go through with a major surgery just to make my chest bigger, but I'm sure I'll talk about it plenty in the meantime!

Now for the actual exercise part of this post: I should note that I generally enjoy exercising, specifically running, and I liken this to being a high school athlete. #HasBeen, for sure, but I've always been physically active and looking for fitness goals. But this has certainly changed now that I'm a mom. Mainly because 'me time' gets less and less with each subsequent child and the logistics of making time to exercise is no small feat. I'm sure many of you can commiserate here.

One thing we did after Porter that we hadn't done prior to his arrival was to buy a gym membership including the kids for childcare. During my maternity leave and through part of the fall, that is how I exercised: by hauling my crew to the gym on my days off, exercising on the treadmill, showering alone (!!) and then carting everyone home. This was fine for awhile, but then it got a little hairy with Porter's nap schedule, Truman started school, and then Cecelia didn't want to be at the gym without him. I did not like forcing CC to be in the playroom on our days home together and it really broke my heart to see her cry a few times when I left. So onto plan B.

I started going to the gym at 5:30am a few days per week, while the children slept and Nate slept. This was a little more challenging when Porter wasn't STTN, but as soon as he stopped nursing I knew that even if he *did* wake while I was gone, Nate would be more than capable of making him a bottle. That transition away from nursing was rather freeing for things like this---the ability to be away and not worry about breastfeeding really helped me to stick with a morning workout routine. Our bigger kids might wake up early for the day but they always stay in their room until their Tot Clock turns yellow, which is 6:55am.

So when I went the gym on cold, dark, dreary, winter mornings I started viewing this as my 'me time' and like a little luxury built into my day when I can do something nice for myself. Staying in shape, pushing myself to become more fit, sweating, focusing on myself for a bit----all of these things are really important to me. And I really really enjoy the post-workout sense of accomplishment, too. Sets the day off right! But the way I make exercise a priority is that I see a direct correlation to how frequently I exercise and my mood. If I skip exercise for a stretch of time, I start to get really crabby and annoyed at myself. I know that I'm a better mom and more capable of handling the ups and downs of any given day after a good run.

I think the worst part is physically getting out of the bed and into the car, to drive to the gym. Once up, it's usually a fantastic work out and a great way to start the day. I like to chant things like, 'I will be tired if I get up now, or if I get up in one more hour, so might as well get up and go to the gym,' to help me get out of bed. And it's really true---I don't find that sleeping an extra hour, skipping the gym, makes me feel any more rested. If anything, I feel more energized after exercising and more tired if I skip it. Of course, solid sleep prior to the alarm makes this 100x better.

Now that it's getting nicer out and the sun rises by 6:00am, I prefer to run outside in the mornings, skipping the drive to and from the gym and skipping the treadmill. I don't despise the treadmill really, especially since our gym has TVs on each treadmill and I can get my Bravo/HGTV fix there. We don't have cable so it's rather thrilling to watch a few missed shows while running---but then again, the 5:30am slot is rather hit or miss for good shows on any station. But running outside will always be my favorite. Who can top views like this with early morning sunshine and fresh air??



And clouds like this! Scenery.


So yes, I prefer to run as my mode of exercise. We are training for a half-marathon in June, so I usually run 3 or 4 miles on Tuesday and Thursday early mornings with a long run on Saturday mornings. We are up to 6 miles for our long runs right now. The weekend run is when Nate and I train together, so my in-laws will watch the kids for us. How many times do I have to mention their sainthood?

(post-run sweats from this morning)


I will sometimes run outside with the double stroller, pushing Cecelia and Porter while Truman is at school. I might attempt to have Truman ride his bike next to the double BOB monstrosity at some point this summer when I have all three at home with me. But really, I like running alone MUCH better than pushing 75# of kids and stroller in front of me (duh). I have mentioned to Nate that I would love to get a treadmill in our basement, too, and maybe I would do that instead of a gym membership this fall. We usually put our membership on hold through the summer anyway, and NOT having to drive to and from the gym (that is five minutes away) would be great once it's dark in the mornings again.



The other form of exercise I really like are the classes at our gym---there's a bootcamp class, an interval class, and a treadmill class that I did for awhile in the early mornings. But then I somehow hurt my back and probably wasn't ready for such intense exercise after Porter. I needed to work on my core a lot more and now I'm just back to running--my tried and true favorite. I could get really into yoga or maybe a spin class and should probably start lifting weights again, but I'm not willing to wake up at 4:30am to get a BIG work out in on those mornings. But maybe someday!

As for my goals for future fitness that the original commenter asked about, I am a big fan of half-marathons for setting a goal and following a program to achieve it. Halves are a great distance for us and I enjoy the whole process of training as much as race day. I have run one full marathon and know that there's no way I could ever dedicate the time to that training again, at least not until all of the kids are out of the house! But I would like to focus on my posture in the next few years, using my personal PT husband to help me strengthen my upper back and my super weak butt muscles so that I can perhaps prevent an injury going forward. I would be really devastated if I got hurt and couldn't run and my mental sanity would take a beating as well, so I have been asking Nate to give me a tailored routine for strengthening my weak areas. He hesitates to advise me with anything because I can be defensive (not me!) but now I'm actually ASKING him to help me out, so I'm all ears, Nate!

With this outside running (sans treadmill or beloved cable TV on said treadmill), I had to make a new playlist for music because I despised the older stuff I had on my iPod shuffle. Now I just use my phone and we have Spotify, so I created a playlist of 'running stuff' that I can share with you now. I like dance/techno stuff and rap music for running apparently---does that make me hip or super old? I can't decide.

-Animals-Maroon 5 (Cecelia and Truman love this one, is mildly inappropriate at times if you listen to the lyrics, but they love to howl when Adam Levigne howls)

-I Can't Stop Drinking About You-Bebe Rexha (I just like this one for the beat. Found it randomly on Spotify)

-Truffle Butter-Nicki Minaj (SO TERRIBLY INAPPRORIATE for any children within an ear shot, especially the non-radio version. But I can't help it, it pumps me up for some reason. We shall not discuss specific lyrics here. XXX rated, yikes)

-We Found Love-Rihanna (Have always loved this one so much, is kind of techno and okay for kids if we happen to have a dance party)

-Where Have you Been-Rihanna (Love you, Rihanna! I like to pretend I am an excellent dancer while running to this song. It's quite the sight)

-Heroes (we could be)-Alesso (good one, kids like it, too)

-Shut up and Dance-Walk the Moon (another kid appropriate one, but I don't love the phrase 'shut up' so I act like they are saying 'shush up'. Ha, I'm sure Truman and CC don't buy it)

-Roll The Bass-Major Lazer (I actually hate this one but Truman loves 'the fast part'. Gives me a freaking headache, way too much techno for my tastes).

-Get Low-Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz (classic college bar song. Really prefer the edited version, the unedited one is shocking!)

-Ruff Ryders Anthem-DMX (Sticking with the college theme, I feel very hard when rapping with DMX)

-Yeah!-Usher (oh, college, I loved you)

-Turn Down for What-DJ Snake (Obsessed, and it always reminds me of this YouTube video of the boat crash. And then I can't stop laughing. OMG, their sunglasses flying--hope nobody got seriously hurt, but I cried laughing at this the first time I saw it. I hear this took place at the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri which makes it that much more funny.)

I think that is it for this topic. Did I miss anything?

(Thus ends my daily blogging this month! I only skipped one Saturday, can't believe I have posted this frequently but I like it. I like it a lot. Writing every day feels cathartic and kind of special. I wasn't able to keep up with e-mailing friends and probably didn't get to chat with Nate as much in the evenings, but it didn't feel like too much of a sacrifice to focus on the old blog daily this month. I even have a few more ideas drafted up, hope I can keep the momentum going and continue to post semi-frequently here going forward.)