Minggu, 30 April 2017
October 15th
I had 2 miscarriages before I had my girls.
Ectopic Pregnancy at 6 weeks on October 22, 2002 (due date June 23, 2003)
Miscarriage at 10 weeks D&C on October 25, 2005 (due date May 26, 2006)
I still think about them & wonder.
Were they a boy or a girl?
I could have a 6.5 year old and a 3.5 year old.
But then I wouldn't have Kate or Claire.
God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.
This is what would remind myself during my saddest days.
In the process of having miscarriages & sharing about them, I have met many, many women who have lost their sons and daughters. I have friends, family & co workers who have had miscarriages. I have several friends who have lost their babies at full term, days & months after having them. I can't imagine the pain they have suffered.
The Lord has broken my heart for families who have to endured these types of losses. I don't fully know the pain these families have gone through, but I have felt a small fraction of it.
This is one of the reasons I felt called me to become a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep last year. I cannot take away the pain of someone's loss, but I can give them something to remember their child by.
You can read about my journey to become a volunteer with them HERE.
Here is my story of loss:
Kevin and I got married on August 24, 2002. We wanted to wait 3-4 years to have kids. I was on the pill and took it religiously at the same time every day. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant 2 months after we got married. We had always wanted kids, just not so soon after getting married. I went to the doctor & they gave me a due date of June 23, 2003. I was FREAKING out & couldn't believe I was pregnant. This pregnancy was our "honeymoon baby". Apparently I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Unfortunately, a few days after I found out I was pregnant in October of 2002, I woke up to an intense pain on my left side & when I went to the bathroom I was massively bleeding & then I passed out. Kevin rushed in and woke me up & we rushed to my doctor & after some tests, he informed me that I was having an ectopic pregnancy & that I had to go immediately to the hospital for emergency surgery because the condition was life threatening for me. So, that Tuesday night in late October, I was rushed to the hospital for surgery. Luckily, I have one of the best doctors in the area & he was able to save my left fallopian tube (it was already starting to rupture). I am glad that I was unaware of how serious ectopic pregnancies can be. I didn't realize I could have died if my tube ruptured. Even though my doctor saved my fallopian tube (and my life!), I always wondered how this would effect my ability to get pregnant & have kids. One of my biggest dreams was to be a mommy & for the next few years I wondered if that would ever happen.
Fast forward to the summer of 2005.
This is when we decided to start "trying". We got lucky & I got pregnant the 2nd month after we started trying. I was due May 26, 2006. Kevin and I were thrilled. I couldn't wait to have a baby & be a mommy. I was relieved that the ectopic pregnancy didn't effect my ability to get pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I went in for blood work to make sure my numbers were doubling. My dr called and told me my progesterone was low & I needed to be on progesterone suppositories 2 times a day. Let me tell, you , those are NOT fun. Nasty. My pregnancy was progressing, at 6 weeks the nausea hit big time & I was throwing up 2-3 times a day. I was miserable, but it was worth it. We had our first ultrasound at almost 6 weeks to make sure the baby was in my uterus and not my tube. The baby was in my uterus & I scheduled another appt at 8 weeks for the heartbeat check. The 8 week ultra sound was no so great. There was a heart beat, but it was very low & took my doctor a long time to find it. He said I needed to come back in a week for another heartbeat check. At that appointment, there was still a slow heartbeat, but the baby was not growing on track & was only measuring 7 weeks. My doctor warned us not to be too optimistic, but I still had really bad morning sickness and was getting sick a few times a day. I thought that was a good sign. I had to go in again at 10 weeks for another heartbeat & growth check. At the 10 week appointment, the heart had stopped beating. We had lost the baby & my doctor scheduled me in for a D&C that night. It was a Tuesday night in late October, just like 3 years before. As I walked into the hospital for surgery, I felt like I was on Groundhog Day. Another surgery to remove another baby from my body that didn't make it.
After my D&C, I was going through the motions of life. We were told to wait 3 cycles before we could try again so that my body could heal. Those were 3 very long, hard & dark months for me. I was numb.
My 2nd miscarriage hit me so much harder than my first one.
I was mad at God for taking this baby from us.
It took me about 6 months to process it. During that time, I had a lot of support from family & friends and for that, I am thankful.
I am thankful to my awesome & supportive husband who would hold me as I cried many nights mourning our loss wondering if I would ever have a baby. I would cry myself to sleep whenver a friend told me they were pregnant. I was truly happy for them, but SO sad for me. It was just another reminder of what I didn't have.
I am thankful to our pastor who helped me process some of my feelings & emotions during the months after our loss.
I am thankful to my mom who encouraged me during this time & gave me hope (she had 4 losses in between me & my younger sister including an ectopic & a placenta separation at 21 weeks).
I am thankful for my best friend AK. She had 2 miscarriages around the same time I did. I was able to call her & cry with someone who was going through the same thing I was. She understood my pain.
I am thankful to my dear friend Lorie who had suffered 2 losses. She shared her prayer journal with me & held me up in prayer when I was too sad to pray for myself.
After we good the go ahead to start trying again, it took us 3 months and we got pregnant in May of 2006. We found out on Kevin's 31st birthday, (a week before my "due date" with my 2nd miscarriage) We were excited, but I was really nervous about having another miscarriage. I was a stress case & paranoid my entire pregnancy.
On January 23, 2007 , I gave birth to our beautiful Katelyn Grace. It was a moment I will never forget & an emotion I can't put into words. I was reminded again at the miracle of life when Claire was born on September 9, 2008.
God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.
These 2 girls are a reminder of that truth...
I never thought I would say this, but part of me is grateful I have been through miscarriages because it has given me compassion & a heart for those who have also suffered losses. My miscarriages caused me to cling to God & put my faith, hope & trust in HIM instead of myself.
It drew me closer to Christ as I clung to Psalm 20:4:
"May He give you the desires of your heart and make your plans succeed."
God was faithful to me even though many times, I have been unfaithful to Him.
I am thankful to God who carried me through a dark time & showed me that He was there for me & He did have a plan for me & that HIS timing is better than my timing.
Because of this, when I hear of others who have suffered a loss, I mourn with them. I pray for them, I listen, I cry with them. My heart breaks with them.
I can't make them feel better or make their pain go away, but I can make it less lonely.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I was reminded again & again that God has a purpose & a plan even when I don't understand.
Another thing I have learned through this is that I was NOT alone during a time where I felt so alone and when it seemed like EVERYONE around me was pregnant, except me. God was there, carrying me through this tough time.
I discovered that intercessory prayer is powerful. To have people praying for you when you don't have the words to pray yourself is humbling.
My journey & story seems so insignificant compared to those who have suffered the loss of a newborn or an infant. To my friends Wendy, Ginny, Angie & my blog friend Julie your strength is amazing, your courage mighty & your faith inspiring. God has used your stories in BIG ways in my life because of your children.
If you have lost a baby through miscarriage or infant death, I want to pray for you on this day of remembrance. So, if you are one of those women, will you please leave a comment on this post and tell me your name so that I can be praying for you? Or, if you are someone struggling with infertility, I want to pray for you also. If you want, you can include the nature of your loss, and the child's names so that we can pray for you. If you want to leave an anonymous comment, you can do that also.
If you haven't lost a child, will you join me in praying for those who have?
Sabtu, 29 April 2017
Ideas for Sharing a Room
Jumat, 28 April 2017
Cloth Diapering Why
As I've mentioned before, the number one factor that pushed me towards cloth diapering was the savings you get versus disposables. We are talking hundreds if not thousands of dollars which is enough to give it a go for our family. The 'saving the environment' factor is pretty sweet, as is the notion that diaper rash is much less common in cloth and therefore most say cloth is better for baby's skin. Plus, most cloth diapered babies are potty trained sooner in life than those in disposables because they can actually feel when they are wet instead of having the magical chemical gel balls whisk away the moisture. I mean, the reasons are endless but sometimes it's nice to hear lots of opinions on the subject.
Here are a ton of great websites that review the 'why' of cloth diapering that I found helpful:
1. Diaper Decisions great chart on all types of CD versus disposables.
2. Stork Wearhouse chart on CD versus disposables, low end versus high end comparisons. Also some good background general info.
3. Zany Zebra's take on cloth verses disposables.
4. Better for Babies give their reasons.
5. The Cloth Diaper Whisperer blog: all of their 'cloth vs. disposable' tagged posts.
6. All About Cloth Diapers: focusing on budget options.
And then there are the go to sites to learn the basics of CD. Tons of info out there, ladies, but it just takes time to absorb it all and make decisions that are right for your situation.
1. The Eco-Friendly Family blog: how to CD a newborn.
2. The EFF blog: motherload post. Everything you need to know, pretty much.
3. Pin Stripes and Polka Dots: tons of great info, diapering basics.
4. The Diaper Jungle: what systems work, comparison between styles of CD.
5. The Diaper Jungle: The guide 101 post, great info here.
6. Diaper Daisy: the FAQs
So those links should keep you busy for awhile, huh? :)
More of my research coming soon including traveling with CD, all about prefolds, where to buy, etc.
Happy Second Birthday Cecelia!
Oh, my sweet girl. Today you are TWO years old! It truly seems like you've been two forever now and honestly you act like you are about fifteen sometimes. But still, today is your big day and I am so excited to celebrate knowing Cecelia for two whole years.
You are staying home from Lori's today with your brother, since GoGo and Memaw are here to spoil the heck out of you two. We might get wild and get some chocolate custard later, as is our birthday tradition with you kids, but I know you are still too young to really 'get' the concept of your birthday. In the past few weeks you will say, 'CC one,' and when I ask how old you will be on your birthday you quickly tell me, 'Two' and try to hold up the right amount of fingers (failing miserably). Ah, my girl. Soon enough you will realize that birthdays are important enough to span an entire week of celebrations! Your party is this weekend and although I have done nothing Pinterest-worthy like last year, it's going to be a fun time with good friends, family and food. Which is all we need anyway.
So what are you up to at the ripe old age of two?
This is going to be my last monthly letter to you, which is both appreciated and makes me kind of sad. So I will do my best to capture the essence of sweet CC in a post all about YOU.
You are currently obsessed with mallard ducks, fishies, chapstick, the Frozen soundtrack (specifically the first song dubbed 'Wa Wa Cuts'), and pretending to bake us cakes and mix us juice whenever you see fit. We have a lot of conversations about where the duckies are right now (since we occasionally see them in the nearby creek) and how they 'Lookie Me'. They look at you, and it makes you laugh. You also recapped a recent zoo trip by listing off all of the animals we saw and 'dey lookie me'. Yes, you certainly love animals and the great outdoors right now. Plus all of the chapstick in the world would not be enough for you and I have probably heard the 'Frozen Hearts' song nearly 1 million times by now. Thank you for the many (empty) cups of juice and HOT cake that you make us. Such a little caregiver already.
You also love pockets, shoving random toys into said pockets, and you are in heaven at a playground. You haven't met a slide you didn't love and you're already climbing up some of the more risky step-stools and difficult stairs that your brother didn't even attempt until age 3. Also: sandboxes are your bliss. You like to make cakes and juice in there, too;)
Every color you see is 'pink' to you, and when we ask you where you got a certain toy or outfit you always tell us 'GoGo.' Interesting. You are sleeping really well lately---you will request to take your nap around 11:30 or so and usually that lasts for about 2-3 hours. You're still loving your big girl bed in your shared bedroom and we will allow the pacifier in bed only. You'll go down for the night without much fuss around 7:30-8 and almost always sleep all night until 6:30am. You like to wake up slowly by playing in your bed, reading books, and sucking your pacifier alone for a bit. You'll tell me when you are ready to get down from your bed and I don't think you've ever climbed down without warning us first.
You are still a decent eater but you definitely have your picky days. Usually you just want to eat off my plate instead of your own but no matter what, you hate sitting down at the table for longer than about 5 minutes. Too much playing to be done!
Lol.
Maybe it's because I'm quite pregnant these days but it seems like you want to be held a lot more. By mommy only, and almost always when I'm in the kitchen trying to throw together some semblance of a meal. You also demand to be carried up and down our stairs all of a sudden and immediately upon arriving at Lori's after a work day, you want 'uppie' into my arms. Although I do love cuddling my non-cuddly girl it's getting a little ridiculous, CC.
Don't get me wrong, though---you are NOT a little baby anymore. In fact, you want to do nearly everything on your own. 'CC do it,' is a favorite phrase and that spans the tasks of getting yourself into and out of your car seat, getting yourself dressed and undressed, and picking out your own clothes. You aren't always successful with these feats and get very VERY frustrated when I try to help or when you relent and ask for it. That struggle to be independent while still needing me very much is a tough one for you to handle sometimes, Cecelia.
I think you will be our strong-willed, spunky child. I'm not going to say that your twos will be 'terrible' but you sure are spirited and I love a girl that knows what she wants. If we make it out of age two alive, I'm hoping we can enjoy a few low-key years together before your teenage girl drama begins. Be kind to us, sweet girl. We are learning as we go with you!
You are long and lean: you're wearing 2T clothes and size 5.5 shoes, but we will get your official stats once you have your two year doctor's appointment. I think you have really thinned out and shot straight up over the past few months. You're legs seem incredibly long now that you are wearing shorts again. Your hair is still red but it's lightening up and your eyes are the most beautiful blue I've ever seen.
We love you so much, Cecelia. Words just cannot express. Thank you for being you!
xoxo
Mommy
Your Two Year Slideshow;)
Cecelia is TWO! from Julia H. on Vimeo.
Potty training boy at 20 months
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Fab Five
[Now that I received pictures I can do a proper post:)]
There once was a group of five lovely ladies who had a sense of humor all their own. They decided to call themselves the "Fab Five" because it was perfectly ridiculous. These women met when they were naive little freshmen in college, almost ten years ago [gasp!].They grew up together. They cried together. They did lots of laughing together. They laid around on couches for obscene amounts of time together, analyzing the world/boys/school/life. They shared their wardrobes, dreams, fears, and goals in life---all while sharing their bedrooms, too. And of course, they took an absurd number of pictures together through the years, to document their friendship.
Then something crazy happened: they started wearing diamonds on their ring fingers, changing their names, and dressing up in bridesmaid dresses. The Fab Five transitioned into life's next phase slowly but surely.
Wedding #1: Kim married Mark on September 16, 2006. Her engagement overlapped Julia's and her wedding was emotional for all of us [okay, some more than others]:
Wedding #2: Julia married Nate on May 27, 2007. Her engagement overlapped Hannah's and her wedding yielded the creepiest of Fab Five pictures. It was a serious day:
Wedding #3: Hannah marries Michael on August 25, 2007. Julia learns that being a Matron of Honor requires significant amounts of Xanax because speeches are scary!
Wedding #4: Kristen will marry Will on May 2, 2009: engaged December 4, 2007.
Try to watch the following series without grinning ear-to-ear:
[of course she is on her cell phone IMMEDIATELY!]
Wedding #5: Lindsey will marry John, engaged July 12, 2008. No talks about The Date just yet, the girl has only been engaged a few days, people!
Again, I dare you to view these images without saying, "Awwwwww":He gave her a flip book, with pictures of him holding the signs " Will You Marry Me?"
He hired a photographer to catch this moment, but poor Lindsey had no clue. She went into the ugly cry and stole John's sunglasses to hide the evidence.
Then he tells her, "Oh yeah, we are being photographed right now."
And so, the story of continues. More laughter, memories, and pictures to follow their future transitions in life. Even if one of the ladies lives in The Great North, their friendship remains--- enhanced by emails, phone calls, and many gallons of expensive gasoline. And it's all worth it:)
Does anyone else have a core group of girls going through these transitions together? Isn't it fun?
Attention Shop Owners A Reminder!
I am so glad she emailed me because if she didn't, I wouldn't have known about her awesome product!
And, a reminder....The Soup's On Recipe Linky is THIS Wednesday!
Kamis, 27 April 2017
Potty training light
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