Train potty: Real

Tampilkan postingan dengan label Real. Tampilkan semua postingan

Senin, 26 Juni 2017

Raising Real Men A book review

The title of this book grabbed my attention instantly when I found Hal & Melanie Young's web site, RaisingRealMen.com. It was exactly what I have been seeking wisdom on- how to raise real men - and in the process survive our 4 boys, teach them, and appreciate them. And from what I hear from our friends, family, and our blog readers, this could be a very encouraging and insightful book for you as well. I've already recommended it to just about every mom I have had a conversation with since beginning the book, not because I'm seeking the opportunity to do so but because this topic of boys seems to naturally arise in every conversation as soon as one of us asks, "So...how are you doing?" *chuckle*

Raising Real Men - Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys,

by Hal & Melanie Young

We have an excellent list of books to recommend to you in our Recommended Books List on our blog home page, and this one I'm reviewing for you and encouraging you to pick up a copy.

The authors, Hal and Melanie Young, are a Christian, homeschooling family firmly grounded on God's Word. They have eight children, 6 of whom are boys, so they have great experience and insight on this subject. "They frequently speak on parenting, education and family policy issues, and their articles have appeared in publications in the U.S., Canada and New Zealand including Homeschooling Today, Homeschool Digest, The Freeman: Ideas on Liberty, School Reform News, and Conservative Citizen. (from the back cover of their book)"

The Young's write that this is a common scenario for them:

"'Six boys!' folks say in mock horror, 'Well, better you than me.'
We answer them cheerfully - we love our boys and they're a gift from God...a reward. Privately, though we admit to ourselves it's not always rosy. Teenaged boys put away a startling amount of groceries. Young boys can be downright destructive. They're noisy, unconcerned with personal hygiene, and the dog has a longer attention span - or so it seems, some days. If this is God's chosen gift to us, then why does it seem so hard? How can we prepare these boys to serve God when we can barely make it through the day? Isn't there a better way? The answer is yes."

I feel that the Youngs have a very nice writing style in their book - thorough yet not full of "fluff" wasting my time, great examples and short stories yet still concise, funny, realistic, and understanding of parent's difficulties with boys. Raising Real Men encouraged me, gave me vision and hope, shared creative ideas that we've tried with success with our boys, and affirmed me in some areas.

The book was very enjoyable to read. Hal & Melanie Young are humble, but wise. They do not claim that this is the only way to raise boys, but merely one way, backed up with scriptural examples and reasons behind their decisions. And they speak for boys of all ages, toddler through young adult.

When I was getting towards the end of the book and the Youngs were talking a lot about older boys and young adults, I started feeling a bit overwhelmed thinking of all of the things we should be doing with our oldest son! Teaching about finances, learning another language, giving him lots of life experiences, thinking about what kind of work he should be prepared for in his life... But the Lord reminded me that our oldest son was only 9-years-old at the time, and that there is plenty of time. *smile* Not that we should put off good goals for him, but I don't have to have accomplished by now all that the Youngs have with their then 20-year-old. And then I began to feel how grateful I am to have good direction with our little sons. I have vision for them, which gives me a direction to point them in, and helps me to communicate to them the reasons they need to be working hard in school work now; why they need to learn perseverance, how to capture their strength and re-direct it to positive outlets, and how to evaluate the world around them and learn from it.

The book is laid out in easy-to-accomplish chapters, averaging about 10 pages each. And, each chapter is full of subheadings on about every page making it easy to read just a few paragraphs and then have a stopping place to ponder more what they were saying. The book is easy to pick up where I left off each time I read a portion, and easy to skim the most recent pages I read to review where I am if it's been a while since I've been able to read the book. I appreciate that. Yet the book still flows; it is not broken up or choppy. The thoughts, concepts, and principles are fluid.

Here is one of my favorite parts of the book.

"It may be that mothers have a hard time discerning between when sons need comforting and when they need bucking up. Here's a rule of thumb: If he hasn't faced the trial yet, or he's in the midst of it - encourage him. If he's been to the wars and is limping home wounded - comfort him. Once the wounds are bound up, encourage him to rise and face the fight again." (pg. 54)

Here's a good goal for me right now.

"When it comes to household chores, we try to ask ourselves, 'Who is the youngest person who can do this job right now?' Sometimes that'll still mean the oldest. If we're in a hurry or we don't have time to see that it's done right, then the oldest who is home (we call that person, 'the senior brother') does it. Often though, we do have plenty of time to supervise and even teach the chore, but don't want to. Too bad. That's our opportunity to go ahead and choose the youngest who can do it, or can be helped to do it. This keeps us from leaning too hard on the older ones and making them overwhelmed; it frees these older children up to learn different skills as they mature, and it makes sure the house doesn't fall apart when they go to college or leave home for a few days." (pg. 59)

Here are a couple of great homeschooling strategies that I have loved for each of our sons!

* Allowing him to drown out the noise of the family around him, helping him to focus, with music played on headphones. It has to be music without words, such as classical music or movie scores. This would personally drive me crazy and drive me to distraction in about 3 seconds, so it never occurred to me to encourage our son to do this! More noise? Really? Well oh my word, our Brandon got his work done in about 45 minutes instead of coming and going from it all morning long! Ha! I was amazed! Now this strategy did not work for his 6-year-old sister at all - she was totally distracted and sat there way too much of the time staring off in to space. *laugh* But for our oldest boy doing school - amazing. He did it every day for months.

* Another great section of the book is called, "Never send an S.O.S." The Youngs talk about how when boys find things difficult they (like their fathers) are often resistant to asking for help. I can be aware of this and try to work with it. One solution has been to have our son note on the top of his work page any problem that he needs help with. Then when I check his work I can help him with that problem. That way it didn't get skipped, and coming up against an obstacle didn't cause Little Son to abandon ship, feeling stuck and unable to go on. He simply moves past the difficult problem now, I help him when I can, and he didn't have to ask for help! *Huh!* Who knew! Never occurred to me before! But it's helped a ton.

My copy of Raising Real Men is full of highlighting - great points I desire to remember, and ideas I plan to try. I can tell you that I will be re-reading this book probably annually as there is so much to capture from the Young's, and our sons change so much every year. Reading the table of contents in a book personally really helps me get a thorough over view. So, here is the table of contents for your own review.

Table of Contents

Introduction: The challenge of Boys

Part One: Virtues In the Rough

A Marred Image
Resisting Feminization
Manly Virtues

1. Someone To Look Up To

Boys Need Heroes
What is A Hero?
What Does The Bible Say About Heroes?
The First And The Ultimate
Heroes Between "First" And "Ultimate"
Visual Media
Dealing With Mixed Content In Film And TV
Heroes From History
Fictional Characters

2. Is There Not A Cause?

A Biblical View Of Adventure And Recklessness
Bringing On The Boldness
Adventure In The Cause Of Christ
When To Comfort, When To Encourage
An Age For Risk

3. Standing Alone

The Way It Used To Be
Getting It All Backwards
Responsibility, Then Freedom
Avoiding Disaster
Learning To Stand

4. Taking Up Arms

Violence And Scripture
Principles Of Play
A Time For Real Weapons

5. Who's In Charge Here?

What The Bible Says About Leadership
Learn To Obey Before You Learn To Lead
A Matter Of Discipline
Developing The Next Generation's Leaders
Starting Small
Servant Leaders

6. Racing To Win

Future Leaders
The Biblical View Of Competition
The Puritan View Of Games And Competition
Making Competition A Good Part Of Our Sons' Lives
Academic Incentive, Too
Lessons To Teach And Learn In Competition
Families Should Be Cautions About Too Much, Too
What If Your Son Is "Gifted"?

7. Doing Real Things

Part Two: Civilization For the Tough

8. First Things

In Your Heart
Teach Them Diligently
As You Walk In The Way

9. A Faithful Steward

Cash, Check, Or Credit?
Where Should It Go? Where Did It?
Entering The Work World
Looking Ahead

10. Your Own School For Boys

Developmental Differences
Developmental "Delays"
Gender Differences In Learning
Louder, Mom
"I Think He Must Be Hyperactive..."
"Why Do I Have To Learn This, Anyway?"
What's Your Goal, Son?
The Benefit Of Stress
Never Send An S.O.S.

11. Chivalry Is Not Dead

What The Bible Says About Manners
Some Practical Examples
Deportment
Social Interaction
Out Of The Greenhouse

12. KP Isn't Women's Work

A Biblical Look At Work Roles
Even In Our Culture
Mission Critical Tasks

13. Love And War

Time To Talk, And Not To The Kids
Talk Is Not Cheap, It's Essential
The Battlefield Of The Mind
Avoiding A Big Trap
A First To Knock Away Temptation
Finding A Wife
Our Courtship Story

14. Firing The Arrow

Becoming A Man
Stepping Forward
Preparing To Provide
The Next Step
When College May Be The Answer
Christian Or Secular College?
Approaching College With Discernment And Stratagem
Becoming Counselors

Appendix: But My Son Isn't

A Man's A Man
Challenging Him
Giving Permission

I have so appreciated Hal & Melanie Young's book - I just wish we lived close to them so that we could spend quality time with their family! They have a great writing style which is enjoyable and easy to read, it is laid out very clearly and logically, and is full of fresh ideas and strategies for pursuing life. I encourage you go get a copy if you have boys. *smile* Or you could check your library for a copy.

The Youngs have also thought of everything when making their book available for people in any format people could desire it in. There are a whole variety of ways to purchase the book ranging from $5 to $35. You can purchase the printed copy, the audio book, or the eBook, Kindle, or Notebook editions (iTouch, iPhone, and iPad can all read this). Additional copies are sold at a discounted price, and all of these purchases come with a FREE study guide, and a FREE audio book gift to you.

Blessings on your family,

You may also enjoy reading my posts:

Incentives and Rewards For Children's Behavior

Mom Tips - For Chidlren's Things, #1

Charts & Lists That Save My Sanity

Kamis, 11 Mei 2017

Using Real Life Events in Story Telling

Remember the wonderful book Tell Me a Story in the Dark that I wrote a rave review about here?
The author, John Olive, has written a guest post about how to use your own real life events in storytelling. I'm excited to share his wisdom with you! Family stories are also a part of narrative therapy, which I'll discuss below his guest excerpt. So without further ado, continue reading below to learn how to bond with your children through stories all while using events from their actual lives.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John Olive is a widely produced (Manhattan Theater Club, Old Globe, ACT/Seattle, South Coast Rep, the Guthrie, and many others) and award-winning (Fellowships from the Bush and McKnight Foundations, from National Endowment For The Arts, a Kennedy Center Aware For Drama, others) playwright. John's plays include: Minnesota Moon, Standing on My Knees, The Voice of the Prairie, God Fire, Evelyn and the Polka King, etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turning Real Life Events Into Stories

by John Olive

"Once upon a time, there was a [boy][a girl] [two boys][a boy and a girl] and one day their [Dad][Grandma][Mom][Mom and Dad][Aunt and Uncle] took them to the [zoo][beach][park][movies].

And then..."

What joy in that "and then..."! What a gift! To turn the events of everyday life into thrilling narrative. It will give the day importance and size. Richness. Drama. Turn it into something memorable, a genuine spectacle.

A little imagination lets you do it.

You can say to your young charge, "This life we live isn't boring and featureless. Sure, there are a lot of people in this world, but there is only one you. My imagination lets me give the world epic size. You can do it, too Together, we can make it rare and wondrous. I'm going to teach you how."

One possibility is to simply recount what happened. Perfectly acceptable. Because naturally you will condense the day's events and give them narrative shape. The trip to the zoo took, what, three hours? Four? Your story will not. By shaping the narrative, even though you strictly tell the truth, you will automatically give the story the power described above.

Of course, you could exaggerate. Just a little bit: "It was a sunny day."

"Dad! It was cloudy!"

You could exaggerate a lot: "Natalie and Benjamin rode into the park on their unicorns."

"Grandma!"

Or, "The ramp descended and Natalie and Benjamin said good-bye to the one-eyed ten feet tall aliens, then got off the spaceship. They started swinging on the swingset and pretty soon a dragon swooped down. They hopped on board and it and carried them off to—"

"Mom!"

Why not make the story fantastical and crazy? It's fun and of course the kids know what really happened. The tension between reality and the way you describe it will give your story narrative power. And don't forget the old storytelling saw: "It might not have happened this way, but this is a true story."

Inevitably, though, you will have to tell this story, as opposed to reading it aloud (unless you have a children's author following close behind you, scribbling notes and madly typing into her laptop; I didn't think so). Telling may require a bit of preparation. Easy. Jot down a few ideas, "story points," as they're called in Tell Me A Story In The Dark (which of course you will buy, read, and take to heart). Let the kid(s) – the tellee(s) – be your guide. "What's in that grove of trees?" "Let's go upstairs." Stay relaxed.

And don't worry: you are creating stories for the easiest audience in the world. Ben and Natalie love you unreservedly.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I appreciate how quickly John develops ideas that allow a child's imagination to soar. Lately I have followed his advice from Tell Me a Story in the Dark at bedtime, and my son loves hearing short stories about Lightning McQueen and Tow-Mater. After reading John's advice above, I know I can use our day-to-day events in magical ways as well. For example, chores can become mighty challenges that the hero navigates through to earn his glorious reward. We can story-tell about Simon plowing through mountains of laundry and pulling giant-sized toys back to his toy box hidden away in a magical cave. I can imagine my son laughing as we exaggerate his actions from the day. What a fabulous way to wrap up bedtime and send him off to sleep in a happy, loving world.

Similarly, narrative therapy uses stories to help people overcome problems and difficulties. By telling his or her story, a person can gain perspective about how their tale has been influenced by culture, family members, or random events. By taking charge of their story, people can grow their self confidence too. Problems are seen as externalized "things" to fight against, rather than permanent parts of one's personality. For example, in narrative therapy, a client fights against their alcohol habit, rather than labeling himself as an alcoholic. Doesn't that sound more empowering? Read more about narrative therapy here.

In addition to John's wise advice above, I also hope you find time to share your stories of tale and adventure with your children. Tell them how you overcame moments of sadness and frustration, inspire them with tales about your successes, and reassure them with stories of comfort and peace. Your example will help your children thrive amidst the ups and downs on childhood and adolescence. Start the habit of storytelling when your children are young so it will be easier to communicate advice to them as teenagers. Read more tips for dealing with teenagers here.

Have a wonderful weekend, and let your creativity soar with storytelling!

Selasa, 09 Mei 2017

Keeping it Real Pregnancy Edition

Here's the deal.

I am almost 34 weeks pregnant with Baby #3 and I have a confession.
I DO NOT LIKE BEING PREGNANT.
Never have, never will.
Do I love babies & children? YES.
Do I love being pregnant? NO. Not even close.

Yes, I know that pregnancy is a miracle.
Yes, I am so incredibly thankful to be able to have children.
And, yes, I know children are a blessing....
BUT....
Being pregnant is not my favorite thing.
(This is one of the first times I feel like I can admit that without feeling like a terrible person)

I think of pregnancy as a means to an end.
You have to suffer for 9 months & then you get a beautiful reward at the end, a newborn baby.
I have said this before & I will say it again....I would rather give birth everyday than be pregnant.

One of the reasons I am not a fan of pregnancy is because I get horrible morning sickness.
From the moment I hit 6 weeks, I am nauseous 24/7 and it feels like I am hungover.
At almost 34 weeks, my nausea still hasn't gone away.
Thankfully, I haven't puked since 26 weeks, but from 6 weeks until 26 weeks I was barfing multiple times a day. That is not fun. Especially when I am teaching and especially when I have 2 little girls at home to take care of.
And, I can't tell you how many times I peed my pants while barfing. What is up with that?!?! Please tell me I am not the only one who this happens to.
Even though I get bad morning sickness, I know it could be worse.
I am thankful that I don't puke all 9 months and I am thankful that I never had to be hospitalized for nausea/dehydration.
I am thankful I never had to be on bed rest.
For the women who have had to deal with all of that, you are my heroes.

When I am pregnant, I am not a good wife or mother.
I am too sick to cook the first 5 months, so my poor girls lived on mac & cheese, chicken nuggets and PB&J for dinner because all I could eat was cereal. The act of opening the fridge & smelling it would send me running for the bathroom.
I am not joking when I say that the iPad literally babysat my girls for weeks on end.
My motto for this pregnancy has been,
"Survival of this pregnancy has been brought to you by the iPad"
My worst time was from 4 o'clock on. I would be exhausted from teaching & my nausea would peak in the late afternoon. The girls would play with the iPad while I laid on the couch trying not to barf. Not my best parenting months, but it was survival mode.
You gotta do what you gotta do to get through it, right?

And, poor, poor, Kevin. I think he ate chips/salsa for dinner for months.
He has done SO much around the house & with the girls because I just don't/didn't have the energy. While he got them ready for bed & read them books, I would already be in bed (or puking in the bathroom) He put/puts up with a lot when I am pregnant.
We always joked that when I was pregnant with Claire that it was our last pregnancy because our marriage couldn't survive another pregnancy. Ha! Well, here we are almost 34 weeks into this one and we survived...so far! :) He is a good, good, man for dealing with Pregnant Mel.

I am also a paranoid freak show when I am pregnant.
I refuse to take anti-nausea meds because I am a paranoid that it will harm the baby. You would think that by this 3rd baby, I would have mellowed out with the paranoia, but no, it hasn't.
I am a worrier and pregnancy just escalates that.
I worry about what I eat because "Is that safe to eat when pregnant?!?"
I google WAY too much. I even googled if it was safe to have a slurpee when pregnant because after I had one, I thought for sure it was on the do not have when pregnant list & I was worried that slurpee would harm my baby.
I told you I was a freak show.
I have many, many more ridiculous things that I have googled, but I will spare you (and spare myself the embarrassment of being so ridiculous)

During my pregnancies with Kate & Claire I never really admitted to people how much I loathed being pregnant, it made me feel guilty. But, I feel like I need to be honest & admit freely that I do not like being pregnant. And, I think that is okay.
I have never said (nor will I ever say) "I miss being pregnant, I just love it"

I wish I could be one of those pregnant women who just love being pregnant & don't freak out about every little thing, but that is not me. Each day, I pray that God will take over my fears about being pregnant, calm my heart and keep my baby healthy.
It is a daily battle for me not to worry and think something is wrong.
Maybe I am this way because I had 2 miscarriages before I had Kate, but maybe I am naturally a worrier. Either way, my worry is amplified during pregnancy. I don't like feeling anxious & stressed. That is not who I am (except when pregnant).

To the women who LOVE being pregnant and love every aspect of it, ROCK ON!
To the women who are surrogate mothers, and willingly carry a baby for someone, you are my FREAKING HERO.
To the women who don't like being pregnant, you are NOT ALONE.

For the next 6.5 weeks until this baby is born, I am going to *try* and change my attitude.
I will try to enjoy this time because it is FOR SURE my last pregnancy.
I will celebrate each day that gets me closer to not being pregnant EVER again.
Each day that passes means I am one day closer to meeting this precious one (boy or girl?!?!) that completes our little family and I just can't wait until he/she is in my arms and not my uterus.